Having good and healthy relationships is very important to your mental health. You should learn to know when a relationship is good for you and when it isn’t.
In trauma bonding, the relationship is all high highs and low lows. You do not think you can make it without the other person. You hate them (your partner) and love them in equal measure. The other person’s needs are more important than yours. You think that if someone changes, everything will magically get better. You stop reacting to unacceptable behavior and you feel no one else will ever want you.
MORE ON TRAUMA BOND
A trauma bond is a close attachment between an abuser and the person being abused. An unhealthy bond can be developed between the persons as a result of the consistency in the ups and downs of the relationship.
An abuser might use any of these techniques to control their victims;
- Intimidation: Doing and saying things that instill fear.
- Emotional abuse: Humiliation, name-calling, mind games, criticizing.
- Isolation: Cutting the survivor off from friends and family.
- Denial, Minimization, and Blaming: Feelings and perceptions of the victims are ignored, made light of, or denied by the abuser. They are told they deserved the abuse, or that it didn’t happen.
- Financial Abuse: The victim’s ability to work or money is controlled by the abuser.
- Threats and Coercion: The perpetrator makes threats of violence against the other person, their loved ones, or pets – or the perpetrator might threaten suicide – as a means to control and coerce the victim into doing what the abuser desires.
It results from a deliberate, continuous infliction of psychological trauma usually meant to create fear and helplessness. This destroys the victim’s sense of self in relation to others, subsequently fostering a pathological attachment to the perpetrator. Little acts of kindness or intimacy are intermittently shown by the perpetrator after a series of abuses is meted out to the victim which
usually keeps them (victims) from coming out of such relationships. Despite the abuse, victims remain glued to those abusing them and even protect the perpetrators when accused by others. Many factors come into play to result in a trauma bond.
Healthy bonding in relationships feels steady with a few dips. You recognize that you are your person. You love your partner even though you may be angry with them. Both your needs are important and respected. Boundaries and trust are present in the relationship. There is also a focus on growing separately and together. Communication is honest and needs are met.
Contact professional psychologists today to learn more and seek help. Trauma bonds should always be avoided and ended whenever possible to preserve your own mental health and happiness.
Talk to a therapist today. Self-love is better for your mental health.